Because I currently lack the intellectual capacity to come up with something original today, I'm going to repost an email I received from a friend who is taking the Washington State Bar Exam. I think it fairly sums up a lot of the frustration felt by those of us studying for the bar exam this summer.
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Things that piss me off about the Bar Exam:
1. People who don't record their deeds:Hey. Fuck face. That's a nice deed you got there. Went ahead and bought Stankacre, didya? That's awesome. Owning property is a sign of real maturity. Now, why don't you do us all a fucking favor, and go record the fucking deed.
Right. Fucking. Now.
Don't put it in a goddamn drawer. Don't go off to India for 20 years. Don't leave the deed in your will for dear cousin Victorianox. Get your fat lazy ass down to the records office, and record it before I burn your goddamn house down.
2: Wily property sellers:Here is a suggestion to those Bill of Rights violatin' petty thug ass clowns, the Police. How about you go down to Doucheacre, and arrest the son of a bitch who sells the same house to 15 different people, over and over. Im sick of this guy getting away every time he pulls this shit, and I'm left to sort out the fucking pieces.
3: 'Known' arsonistsHere's a little tip to all the cretins that keep hiring 'known' arsonists to burn down their cheating girlfriend's house. Why is it, do you think, that he is a known arsonist, you dipshit? He's known because he has been fucking caught before. You don't know who the good arsonists are, do you! Because they have their shit together.
But no, you had to go hire Dusseldorf, or Durango, or whatever D word your fuckwit moron arsonist is named, and now he's gone and burned the wrong house, and left me with a BAR question.
4: People who back out of conspiracies.Why don't you just stick with it and save us all some trouble, you pussy.
5. Power companies that leave an electric wire live to deter copper theftWhile I appreciate your effort to rid the world of thieves stupid enough to try and steal raw copper wiring that's fucking humming and has blue arcs dancing on it, it's just gonna bite you in the ass in the end. Just let the copper go.
6. Fertile OctogenariansI think I speak for all of us when I say........Burn the witch! Burn her! And don't use a 'known' arsonist!
7. People who use anything more complicated than Fee Simple Absolute in a willHey, old man. Either give Horatio your fucking interest in Scroteacre, or don't, alright? Don't condition it on him growing a mustache, or learning to play the calliope, or winning 'Dancing with the Stars.' Don't grant a springing executive interest to Zenobia if she manages to graduate from Ninja academy.
Stop making my life more complicated than it needs to be, you Narcissistic old twat, and stop trying to control your property from the grave in a vain attempt to make up for your feebleness in life.
8. House PaintersJust paint the fucking house yourself, Paulson. Trust me on this one. It's not worth it.
9. Bank MortgagesHi there, First National Bank of South Calizonachussettsas. I don't mean to tell you how to run your business, but allow me to impart a bit of sage wisdom.
When someone :
1) named Defaultina McBankrupstein,
2) is taking out her 17th mortgage with you,
3) on a place called Mushacre
4) so she can buy a new hat,
do NOT fucking come crying to me when the inevitable judicial foreclosure sale nets $34, a button, and some lint, all of which are devoured by the banks that are 20 miles ahead of you in creditor line.
And do not ask me whether you are a junior or senior mortgagor, or whether you debt is secured, or some other bullshit I don't understand, because the answer is always the same.
D) You are Fucked. Take it like a man.10. Wanna-be BurglarsI am sick to death of these slackjawed melon-heads deciding at 2 a.m. that they need to borrow their neighbors wrench, and are sure he 'won't mind' if they saunter on over there in the middle of the night, crowbar the garage open, smash open his tool chest, and 'borrow it.' And then always the inevitable fucking:
Did he commit Larceny/Burglary/Robbery?
?? Ohhhhh, no intent!
Let him go, boys. Let the man go. So I can throw the wrench right at his goddamn teeth.
Good thing when we are really in practice we will have these special Intent Goggles©, that can magically tell us, despite every bit of evidence to the contrary, this jackass really didn't intend to commit a crime. He genuinely thought that breaking into your neighbor's house, stealing his car, taking a shit on his pool table, and sleeping with his wife were all part of the social covenants between good neighbors.
Now, I finally get to breathe for the first time all summer. We had four Arkansas law essays this morning: Property, Torts, Domestic Relations/Equity and Decedents' Estates.
Day 2 of the Arkansas Bar Examination - and most others around the country - is comprised of 200 multiple choice questions split equally into two 3-hour sessions. At the end of the day, it feels good to be finished. Remember how you felt after you took the ACT, SAT, LSAT and all those other qualifying tests? Yeah, multiply that by eleventy billion. Yeah, that's what it's like. Emotionally draining would be an understatement.
Applicable law
Professor Guzman had a few mnemonics for evidence though, as I recall, his handouts called them pneumonics...to introduce evidence of prior crimes, use a MIMIC (motive, intent, absence of mistake, identity, common scheme) proposition, competency of witnesses is judged by the ROTC (recollection, observation, truthiness, communication) standard and prior similar occurences are only "slipped in" by using a DICK (dangerous condition, impossibility, causation, knowledge) exception.
I've decided to spend most of these last few days before the test reviewing old essay questions. So I have my MEE essay book and my Arkansas essay book with the "best answers" from previous bar exams. These are just random thoughts I've had going through them.
Third, I've always got to be thinking about vicarious liability. If life was actually like bar exam fact patterns, no employer would ever hire another person again. The dumbest people always appear in these questions and almost always end up costing their employers in the end.
Fifth, the elements of crimes and torts have begun to enter my dreams...I think I'm in pretty good shape for those questions (MBE and essays). Common Law Burglary = breaking + entering + the dwelling of another + at nighttime + with the intent to commit a felony (i.e. theft) therein. I'm not quite as strong when it comes to criminal procedure.
There is ultimately only one question, often with many sub-parts, when it comes to an Evidence issue:
On a brighter note I hit the quarter century mark today. I've got evening plans to go to Bordino's for dinner with some friends and maybe a stop by Willy D's for drinks and a song on the pianos then it's be back to the books. I know this birthday won't be anything like last year, and thank goodness for that! (I was hungover for two days last year) I've also mostly finalized my post-bar trip to Austin for a wedding (and my summer vacation) so if anyone will be around those days or you know the area, it'd be good to know what to do on the non-wedding days. I have a feeling 6th Street will come into the picture.
Application of the RAP has really screwed over some attorneys in the past. The greatest problem with the rule is that the courts don't apply common sense or even reality to RAP cases. One of the more ridiculous examples is the "Fertile Octogenarian" rule, which presumes that anyone, even an octogenarian (that is, a person between 80 and 90 years of age) can parent a child, regardless of health or gender. RAP cases have resulted in many colorful examples including the "unborn widow," the "slothful executor," "the magical gravel pit," "the slaughter of the innocent" and "the war that never ends." Don't ask me what they mean - I don't know, don't care and am willing to miss any related questions on the MBE.
So today, I think I'm going over Arkansas Criminal Law Distinctions. I feel prepared (enough) for the multi-state crim law questions (which test the common law) but there will be an Arkansas-specific crim law essay on Tuesday.
One of my least favorite Arkansas distinctions is the so-called "Retreat Rule." Generally, before using deadly force in self-defense, a victim is required to retreat if the victim can do so safely. Retreat is not required, however, if you are in your home. Note, as the cat to the right has made plain, you may never use deadly force to protect property alone. Well, time to get back to memorizing all the wonderful definitions of crimes.
Gnats. All the bug spray in the world can't get rid of those little things. When I played a lot of golf back in the day, one of the golf moms had everyone dabbing vanilla extract behind their ears - some old Southern remedy I suppose. That went on for an entire summer, though I couldn't really tell that it worked.
As Nick noted, this question is not about a romantic dinner - an elegant dinner is entirely different. For something that special I'd have to pick Alton Brown, the Mr. Wizard/Bill Nye/Albert Einstein of the culinary world. I'd love to be able to sit with him over a 50 course (ok, I'd go for a few less I suppose) prix fixe dinner. I've heard about them on the Food Network and I'd love to hear what he would have to say about the techniques used in each course, his expert opinion on each course, and definitely the other amazing conversation I could imagine would accompany the dinner. He's by far my favorite person on the Food Network.
Apparently, I need to spend another day or two on Commercial Paper and Secured Transactions...
This afternoon I decided to switch over and do some practice MBE questions. I did two sets of Constitutional Law and one set of Torts questions. Con Law was by far my worst subject in the practice MBE I took a couple of weeks ago so I've spent a lot of time studying that lately. I got 29 out of the 36 questions correct and got 14 of the 18 torts questions correct. Which sounds great, right? Except that, as I was working through the questions, I didn't have a damn clue if I was choosing the right answer most of the time. I see this as a problem. I just keep telling myself I only need to get two-thirds of the MBE questions right to stay on track, assuming I don't completely screw up the essays.
This was actually an easier question for me. I'd pick my Papaw over anyone else who has ever lived. He died on May 22 after a long battle with colon cancer that eventually spread to most of his gut. His obituary, written by one of my great aunts is here. He was the patriarch of the Sandage family and unofficial handyman for most of Hot Spring County, especially his hometown of Donaldson. I try not to remember the frail man who lay dying in his bed - that wasn't my Papaw. My Papaw was the storyteller and historian, a reluctant leader and an overall good man. My dad told me he took Papaw around every street in Donaldson and he had a story about every street, every house and nearly every family who had ever lived in that town. I know I didn't always realize the impact he had on his community until the funeral, when nearly 500 people crammed into an entirely too small funeral chapel to pay their respects. When I went to the Sandage Family Reunion last week, there was a piece missing that I think everyone felt. But I'm thankful for the impact he had on us and the way he touched everyone he knew.
Too easy. Cinque Terre, Italy is where I could live forever. I visited once while on a study abroad trip. The name, literally "five lands" is a trail between five towns on the west coast of Italy. Hiking, laying on the beach, eating and drinking are some of the best parts of visiting. Each town has its own character - each also produces its own wines and olive oils! There is a trail between the towns that starts in Riomaggiore and winds north. The farther north, the more treacherous the trail. It ends in Monterosso, where a beautiful beach awaits. If I could only make one more trip abroad (God forbid I don't have more opportunities), Cinque Terre would be on the itenerary.
